What If I Said
by SherbetKitty
Summary: What if I told you, what if I said that I love you? Catherine and Gil's thoughts. Summary of fail. SONGFIC. ONESHOT.


Disclaimer: I don't own any characters, and the song "What If I Said" is sung by Anita Cochran and Steve Wariner.

A/N: Hi! This is my second CSI/ Grillows/PureJoy fic! It's a song-fic to "What If I Said" by Anita Cochran and Steve Wariner. I'm sorry for any mistakes. I hope you like it!

What If I Said

"Damn!"

Catherine Willows cursed to herself as she slid off her chair and bent over the broken pieces of glass on the floor. She was working late to finish up some paperwork and had pushed a file on her desk a bit too far, knocking over a photo frame. The frame had fallen to the ground, the shattering glass breaking the silence.

"Perfect," Catherine muttered to herself as she carefully picked up pieces of glass and gathered them in her left hand. With her right hand, she picked up what was left of the frame and looked at the photo. She smiled at the image. It was a picture of herself, her daughter Lindsey and best friend and co-worker, Gil Grissom. It was at Lindsey's 14th birthday about 3 months ago.

Catherine gently touched the photo, her fingers tracing the smiling faces. She noted how happy her daughter looked and how Gil had an arm around Catherine and Lindsey. Catherine thought about how well Lindsey and Gil got along together. She thought about how she had sometimes wanted Gil, Lindsey and herself to be a family together. Somehow, in all the years of being friends, Catherine had fallen in love with him. For how long, she didn't know. Catherine had thought about telling Gil, but could never bring herself to do it, out of fear of being rejected.

_We've been friends for a long, long time  
You tell me your secrets and I tell you mine  
She's left you all alone and you feel like no one cares  
But I have never failed you; I've always been there_

Gil Grissom sat at his desk, going through some old files. He came across a case he and Catherine had worked on together. He smiled, remembering that they had caught the man who did it. Without realising it, his eyes wandered over to a photo on his desk. It was of himself, Catherine and her daughter Lindsey at Lindsey's 14th birthday. It was a happy moment for the three of them and he knew he would remember it. His eyes moved to Catherine's smiling face and he sighed softly.

She was his best friend and co-worker. They would talk to each other, visit each other and work together. He was her friend, he cared for her, he helped her, and he loved her. He wanted to tell her, he really did. He just didn't know how. 'Dinner,' he thought. 'Dinner would be nice. Then I'll tell her.'

Forming a quick plan in his head, Gil made his way to Catherine's office using the same path he took every other day. He knocked twice. "Come in!" came Catherine's voice and he entered.

_You tell your story, it sounds a bit like mine  
It's the same old situation  
It happens everytime  
Can't you see, oh maybe you and me  
It's what's meant to be  
But do we disagree?_

"Hey Cath, how're you doing?"

"Hey, I was just finishing up on some work. What's going on?" she placed her pen down, looking at him directly in his eyes.

Gil hesitated. "I was wondering, are you busy tomorrow night?"

Catherine thought for a moment, "No, I don't think so. Why?"

"Well, I wanted to know if you'd like to have dinner with me tomorrow," Gil crossed his fingers behind his back.

"Sure," Catherine said, trying not to sound too eager.

"Great, I'll come by at around 7 then," Gil hid a smile, hoping Catherine wouldn't notice.

"Perfect."

_So, what if I told you  
What if I said that I love you?  
How you would you feel?  
What would you think?  
What would we do?  
Do we dare to cross that line between your heart and mine?  
Or would I lose a friend?  
Or find a love that would never end?  
What if I said?_

Catherine stood in front of her wardrobe, staring at her clothes blankly. She sighed and shuffled through the items, still not knowing what to wear.

"Mom? You okay?" Catherine jumped at her daughter's voice.

"Yeah, sure. I just don't know what to wear."

Lindsey Willows hopped onto Catherine's bed and looked at her mother. "I thought it was just dinner. You guys have dinner all the time and you never worry about what you're wearing."

Catherine shrugged, "I guess I want this night to be special." She turned back to her wardrobe.

Lindsey looked at Catherine's back thoughtfully, "You want to tell him don't you."

"Tell him what?" Catherine asked distractedly.

"That you love him."

Catherine twirled around, "What? Where did you get that from?"

This time Lindsey shrugged, "Isn't it obvious? You really like him. You're comfortable around him. You smile whenever you see him. Must I go on?"

Catherine raised an eyebrow, "I don't even want to know." There was a small pause.

"Okay fine. You're right. I do want to say something, I just don't know how. And what if he doesn't like me like that anyway? This is so complicated."

Lindsey smiled, "Yeah, it is. All you have to do is say this: I love you. Come on, say it with me, I love you."

Lindsey grinned as Catherine threw a pillow at her and they continued to fuss about

what Catherine was going to wear.

_She doesn't love you  
Oh, it's plain to see  
I can read between the lines of what you're tellin' me_

Gil looked at his mirror, frowning. "Why are bowties so hard?" He was very tempted to find the one Sofia had glued, but he decided that he had to learn someday. He couldn't wait for dinner. He knew that tonight he was going to tell Catherine how he felt. Gil remembered the times when Catherine would go home early for a date. He would always feel jealous. He would always hope that he was the one she'd smile and laugh with.

When Catherine turned up to work with bruises on her face, courtesy of Eddie, he would feel the need to protect Catherine from Eddie. He wanted to hurt him, like he hurt her. But he knew he couldn't, for Lindsey's sake. Gil felt the same way when Catherine found Chris Bezich cheating on her. He wondered how someone could hurt a woman like Catherine Willows. He wondered how Adam Novak could hurt her. Gil knew that he could never treat Catherine that way. He would love her forever and for always.

_And he doesn't hold you the way a woman should be held  
How long can I go on keeping these feelings to myself?_

"Okay, so how do I look?"

"Beautiful," Lindsey sighed. "You look great. Seriously."

Catherine smiled. They had chosen a black dress that had straps crossing over each other at the back. The bottom of the dress flared out when Catherine walked and the dress hugged her body in all the right places. Her hair was left down and Lindsey had helped with the make-up. "You think so?"

"I know so."

The doorbell ringing interrupted them. "I'll get it!" Lindsey jumped off Catherine's bed and rushed down the stairs.

Lindsey threw open the door excitedly. "Hey, Uncle Gil!"

"Hey, Linds! Is your mother ready?"

At that moment, Catherine came down the stairs. Gil and Lindsey stared at her. She was stunning. "Ready?" she asked when she had reached the door.

"Definitely."

"Okay, Linds, don't open the door. At all. Never. There's something in the fridge for you. If I'm home late, get to bed, don't worry about me." Catherine thought for a moment. "That's about it."

"Great," Lindsey said. "Now you two go and have fun. I'll be fine. Have a good evening!" She giggled, pushing Catherine and Gil out the door.

_So, what if I told you  
What if I said that I love you?  
How would you feel?  
What would you think?  
What would we do?  
Do we dare to cross that line between your heart and mine?  
Or would I lose a friend?  
Or find a love that would never end?  
What if I said?_

"You look lovely," Gil breathed as he escorted Catherine to his car.

Catherine blushed. "Thanks. You look handsome yourself. I especially love the bowtie," she laughed, nodding at the said item.

Gil chuckled as he held the door open for her, "Thank you, it took me a while to get it right, but I think I've got it."

The ride to the restaurant was silent. Catherine and Gil often didn't need words to communicate.

_Oh, we've both had our share of loneliness  
So, who's to say if we can't have a little happiness?  
And if I found that in you, it would make my dreams come true  
Or would you walk away or hear what I have to say?_

'She's so beautiful,' Gil thought, pulling out Catherine's chair and helping her sit down.

"Thank you," Catherine smiled, breathing in the familiar scene of his cologne. She picked up the menu only to hold it slightly below her eyes so she could watch him sit down.

Gil glanced at the night's special and knew it was Catherine's favourite. He motioned to the waiter and ordered the dish for two. "I know you like it," he said to Catherine when he saw her watching him, an amused look in her eyes.

"Thank you for remembering," she laughed. There was another silence, a comfortable silence. They said nothing until their meal came, both perfectly fine with staring at each other.

During dinner, they spoke about everything. Work, Lindsey and bugs. Catherine always knew what was on Gil's mind and Gil always knew what Catherine was going to say.

'I want to tell him,' Catherine thought. 'I may never have a chance like this again. What if he rejects me? Oh, come on, Catherine! Don't be a chicken!'

'She's perfect,' Gil thought, smiling absentmindedly. 'And I love her so much. I should tell her. Before someone else sweeps her off her feet. But what if she feels differently?'

_What if I told you  
What if I said that I love you?  
How would you feel?  
What would you think?  
What would we do?  
Do we dare to cross that line between your heart and mine?  
I've always wondered from the day that we met  
What if I said, what if I said_

He was going to tell her.

She was going to tell him.

"Gil I-"

"Cath I-"

They paused and shared a small laugh. "You first," Gil offered.

"Oh," Catherine hesitated. "It's, um, don't worry. It was nothing. What did you want to say?"

"Oh, um, it was nothing either. Never mind," he smiled at her and she smiled back. They laughed again and continued their evening, as two best friends having dinner together.

_What if I said_

A/N: Well I guess they won't know now. I'm sorry if the bit before the ending and the ending itself feels rushed. I started this at the end of 2006, and I only just remembered about it, so I finished it off because I had written half of it anyway. Heck, even the A/N at the top was written 3 years ago. Ahaha. Well, review please ;)


End file.
